Happy New Year!

Every January 1, in a blur of champagne and party chatter, we toss out
those three little words like so much glittering confetti. They’re as
much a staple of the annual milestone as Dick Clark and the Times Square
ball. But how many of us take the time to think about what the phrase
truly means? And—most
important of all—how can we achieve it?

“We’re all longing for happiness,” says Todd Patkin, author of Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In

(StepWise Press, 2011, ISBN: 978-0-9658261-9-8, $19.95). “We think we
can achieve it by losing ten pounds or kicking a bad habit or making
more money, and that’s why we vow to do those things year after year after year.

 
        “But I’ve found that true happiness isn’t about those kinds of
achievements,” he adds. “Instead, it comes down to learning to love
yourself. And there are some very specific things you can start to do
now to move in that direction.”

 
        If you get the feeling that our nation’s overall happiness
level is deteriorating, you’re right. According to a 2007 Reuter’s.com article,
a study done by Italian researchers found that Americans are less happy
these days than they were thirty years ago. Culprits include longer
working hours and a decline in social relationships.

 
        Patkin has struggled with depression and anxiety for much of
his life. In his book he details his own journey to happiness, from his
fretful childhood to his rocky college experience to the emotional
turmoil that marked the intensive years he spent growing his family auto
parts business to (most recently) his philanthropic endeavors.

 
        While Patkin admits that everyone’s path is different, he
believes the real key for all of us is self-love. When we can stop
beating ourselves up over our mistakes and start celebrating all the
things we do right, we can finally be happy. We must change the way we
think about ourselves, and for some of us that’s a major journey—but the
good news is there are some specific “shortcuts” that will get us there
faster.

          “I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ve come up with ten simple things people can do to become happier in 2012,” he says. “You don’t have to do all of them at once—just focus on the three or four that resonate most with you and do those.”

Top Ten Tips for a Happier 2012…and Beyond:

• If you don’t exercise, start.
You
already know exercise keeps you healthy and helps you control your
weight. But did you know it’s also a natural antidepressant? In
Finding Happiness,
Patkin pays homage to the mood-boosting powers of exercise. And you
don’t need to run a marathon to reap these benefits (even though Patkin
actually did run one—the Boston Marathon—in 2007).

“You can decide that 2012 is the year
you will finally make exercise a part of your life,” he says. “Even a
twenty minute walk every other day is great for both your body and mind
if you do it consistently. And the good news is you can do it with your
spouse or kids—and spending more time with them is another shortcut to
happiness.”

• Be easier on yourself.
A lot of New Year’s resolutions are little more than thinly disguised vehicles for beating yourself up. (“I’m too fat—this year
I will lose twenty pounds!” Sound familiar?) There’s nothing wrong with
self-improvement, says Patkin, but it needs to come from a place of
love. Yes, you need to love and forgive yourself for your mistakes and
shortcomings…and that’s tough for many Americans.

“The
American work ethic has made our country great, but it has also made us
chronically unhappy,” says Patkin. “Many of us have a
we’re-never-good-enough-or-doing-enough mindset that’s antithetical
to happiness. It’s not easy to change these ingrained thought patterns,
but it can be done. And becoming aware of this tendency is the first
step.”

• Find some way this year to put your gifts and talents to work.

Talent wants to express itself. If your job doesn’t allow it to do so,
find something that does. (Yes, it would be better to find a job that
lets you do what you’re great at, Patkin acknowledges—but let’s face it,
that’s not always possible in a bad economy!)

“Playing
to your strengths brings real happiness,” he notes. “And when you
combine those strengths with a desire to do something good, it’s a
double whammy. For example, if you’re a store manager with a flair for
writing, and you also love animals, you might offer to pen a weekly
newspaper column for a local dog or cat rescue group.”

• Build richer relationships with loved ones.

Is your relationship or marriage running on autopilot? What about your relationship
with your family? Do you come home from work and sit in front of the
computer while they play in another room (or worse, watch TV)? Too many
Americans fail to engage their families in a meaningful way, notes
Patkin.

“Not
only do you miss out on the joy your loved ones could be bringing you,
on top of that you end up feeling guilty about neglecting them,” he
says. “Decide that 2012 is the year
you’re going to improve these relationships. It is really about
spending more time with the most important people in your life doing
what they want to be doing with you.”

• Celebrate your partner.
And
speaking of your relationship…how is it? If it’s mired in negativity or
characterized by bickering or tension, you’ll never be happy. (In fact,
Patkin says if you’re married to a negative person who drags you down,
you’d be best served by ending the union—but
only
if you’ve tried everything else.) The good news is that it may not take a
lot of effort to dramatically change the tenor of your marriage.

“If you’ve gotten to a place where you resent your spouse or feel chronically angry with her, only
you
can change that,” he says. “Make an effort to speak gently and kindly.
Surprise her with a small gift, or do one of his chores, or pick up
something special for dinner. Random acts of kindness are always
powerful, and that’s even truer inside a marriage.”

• Let the people you appreciate know it.
Yes,
of course
you need to let your close friends and family members know how you feel
about them. That’s a given. But what about your coworkers? Your barber?
Your child’s teacher? The neighbor who keeps an eye on your house when
you’re away? Most of us are too self-conscious to make a big fuss over
the people who are sort of on the periphery of our lives but who
nonetheless make a big impact—and Patkin says changing that is a key
component of happiness.

“Be
generous with hugs,” he suggests. “I’ve always been a hugger, and while
people may be taken aback at first, they quickly come to appreciate my
openness. If you’re just not the hugging type, that’s fine: Try
thank-you notes instead. Letting people know how grateful you are for
what they do makes two people happy: them and you.”

• Forgive someone who has wronged you.
This is the other side of the “forgive yourself” coin. Just as you
deserve a break, so do other people. And forgiveness is, at its heart,
an act of self-love. If you can’t let go of pain and anger, you can’t be
happy.

“Living with your anger and resentment is a recipe for misery,” writes Patkin in
Finding Happiness.
“For one thing, those two emotions reverberate through your mind and
body, setting up toxic thoughts, physical stress, and, yes, illness. And
for what? You are the one walking around feeling miserable while the
objects of your anger are often totally oblivious to your feelings.”

The
point? Resolve to forgive someone who has caused you pain. Whether you
call or visit an estranged ex-friend or write a letter to a deceased
parent, you may find the gesture immensely liberating.

• Become a giver.
Happiness is not about how much you make; it’s about how much you share. Your
income and/or net worth has nothing to do with happiness, says Patkin.
(“I’ve been wealthy and miserable at the same time, so I know,” he
insists.) How much you give—of your money, your time, your self—does,
however. That’s why you should find a way to share your fortune (not necessarily the monetary kind!) with others.

“If
you have good health, a sound mind, and as little as an hour a week to
spare, you are truly fortunate,” he says. “Whether you’re tutoring kids
who need a helping hand or delivering hot meals to the elderly, there’s
great joy to be found in giving.

“Many people know this intellectually; they’ve just never put it into practice,” he adds. “Make this the year
you do it. Just give up some of the time you waste in front of the TV
or mindlessly surfing the Internet. You’ll find that it’s no sacrifice
at all.”

• Take a “baby step” toward finding some faith.
This year,
make a conscious effort to think a little bit more about your faith,
perhaps check out a few different places of worship, or maybe read a
couple of spiritual books. Happy people have a connection to a Higher
Power. If you aren’t sure there even is one, make this the year you do some honest exploration.

“You
don’t have to go to church, temple, or a mosque—but you do need the
ability and the willingness to see God’s work in your life,” says
Patkin, who writes in his book about the moment he realized God not only
exists but has a plan for him. “It will change your life and the lives
of others. A true relationship with a higher power keeps you from
becoming too self-centered and focuses your energy and concerns on the
greater community rather than just on you.”

• Make 2012 a year of gratitude.
If you make only one change in 2012, make it this one, says Patkin: Work to be more appreciative in general. According to an August 2010 article in
TheDailyBeast.com, a study by a University of California psychology
professor found that grateful people are 25 percent happier than their
ungrateful brethren. For the most part, becoming more grateful just
means opening your eyes to the blessings you already have.

“Gratitude
covers a lot of territory,” he says. “When you’re grateful for your
family, you’ll treat them better. When you’re grateful for talents,
you’ll use them. When you’re grateful for your health, you’ll work to
maintain it. All of these add up to happiness.”

 
        What Patkin is really talking about is a shift in attitude. All
of his tips are simply devices for helping us make that shift.

 
        “It’s ironic: Most of us have everything we need to be happy,”
he says. “The tragedy is we’re sleepwalking through life without really
noticing that truth. If we could learn to live with an attitude of
gratitude—for our kids, our homes, our friends, our health, the food on
our tables—we wouldn’t need to worry about finding happiness. We’d be
living it every day.”

# # #

About the Book:
Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In
(StepWise Press, 2011, ISBN: 978-0-9658261-9-8, $19.95) is available at bookstores nationwide, from major online bookseller