For me, pick-up lines are jokes said at bars – usually under the influence of alcohol – just to see how funny someone can be. They are NEVER supposed to be used to actually pick up a girl. But unfortunately, as a former bartender, I have seen my fair share of pick-up lines. Very few work.

I have seen many crash and burn, my jaw hanging open as I ask myself – did I just really hear what I think I heard?! This is a topic where women will be nodding their heads in agreement, while men will be figuring out which of these experiences they’ve had.  I hope not too many of our readers have found themselves in some of these positions. From my personal experience these are my do’s and don’ts of pick-up lines.

Don’t be The Pity Guy!
Never bring up personal negative experiences. In no way, shape, or form is this a comfortable or appropriate time or way to approach a woman for a future date.  As a bartender, I once had a customer tell me stories about a nasty divorce he was going through – for MONTHS.  He was pretty worked up over the separation, and I heard every last detail of his post-marital woes.  Then one day, he walks into the bar with a smile on his face. He told me his divorce was finally over and HE WANTED TO TAKE ME OUT ON A DATE!  This was clearly a rebound date, something no woman wants a part of.  I knew that he was in no emotional state to date. Not to mention, I don’t want to have to worry about hearing about your ex, or how you don’t have time for me because you’re working two jobs to pay for your alimony. Don’t be that guy!

Don’t be The Eager Guy!
Every woman has encountered this sort of guy and it seems to be one of the easiest traps to fall into. The Eager Guy will usually move much too fast, going so far as to bring up the topic of marriage or CHILDREN (!!) on a first date. These lines usually end with “…you look like my next girlfriend,” or “…we’ll be married by tomorrow.”  Confidence is good, over-confidence is BAD.  Have some patience, get to know the person long enough to hear their voice before picking out the wedding ring.  If you don’t, chances are you’ll hear good-bye before hello!

Don’t be The Stalker Guy!
Guys, this is quite possibly the quickest (and most permanent) way to the reject pile. A coworker saw a customer blatantly oogling her in the parking lot. No, I don’t mean a quick glance at her low-cut shirt. I mean standing there like a creeper, not saying a word, just staring and breathing heavy. Then he came into the bar and ordered drinks. He would get up and try to catch the bartender he was interested in when she was running food, trying to start a conversation as she dashed back to the kitchen. Very pathetic and you don’t want to look pathetic in front of the woman you are trying to woo – not to mention all the other hot women at the bar!
My coworker kept avoiding him and he kept getting more aggressive, until finally after a week of this behavior, the manager had to threaten him with a restraining order. Not only did this guy completely creep out the girl, but he ruined his reputation at that bar. It was not cute. Nor was it funny. Definitely don’t be this guy!

Don’t be The Freaky Guy!!!
This guy uses a pick up line that includes some perverted fantasy he had about you or a freakish fetish he would like to do to you.  Fantasy and fetishes are fun, but leave the ropes and chains in the bedroom, DO NOT bring them out when initiating a first date!  Too freakish, too soon.  Don’t be this guy!

Be the Truth Man!!!
And by that I mean be true to yourself. If you’re funny, then say something funny.  If you’re a romantic, then give her a compliment. Play to your strengths.
For instance, a former male coworker is a funny guy, and his method of choice is playing hang man or a word game while doodling obscenities on scrap paper. It sounds a little ridiculous, but I’ve seen it work many times, because he’s funny and knows how to make a girl laugh. Be real!

Be The Money Man!!!
Many times, simply buying a girl a drink opens up the lines of communication.  If she is interested, she will accept, and then approach you to say thank you. That is your opportunity to introduce yourself and start a conversation.  But be careful! I’ve seen this backfire many times. The worst-case scenario happened to two regulars at my former bar. They saw two young ladies at the bar and offered to buy them drinks. At that moment, a Bachelorette Party of about 15 women came over to the two young ladies the guys were chatting up.  The two men sucked it up, thinking it would open a conversation and impress the ladies if they bought ALL OF THEM drinks.  Unfortunately, the ladies did their shot then ran off to the dance floor, leaving the two men sulking and $200 lighter.  So be careful, Money Men! Spend wisely!

Be the Confident Man!!!
Nothing is sexier than a man who is sure of himself.  This man can say anything, wear anything, and do anything with complete comfort.  He’s smooth…suave…a true HOMBRE.
As women we can sense confidence as if it were an expensive cologne.  The confident man makes eye contact and holds the gaze just long enough for Cupid to strike with his arrow….  then he looks away.  As the confident man knows this behavior  leaves the women tingling with anticipation from across a room without even saying a word. This man doesn’t need a pick up line… his eyes say it all!!

 Kennedy Kasey is our resident relationship expert.
All photos by Paul Tirado